Tuesday, January 25, 2011

A Most Fantabulous Combi-Tool

My beloved crew, have I a most remarkable new tool to show you!  From the ingenious mind at Mental Design comes an all-in-wonder tool to make the good Captain's life of leisure that much more leisurely.  In truth it was designed and presented to Queen Victoria, whom I was having a spot of tea with at the time, but so amazed were my eyes that I preceded to make an offer to the inventor which he could not refuse.  Her Royal Majesty, not to be outdone, upped my offer and instantly a bidding war broke out.  Of course the good Captain prevailed much to the Queen's dismay, but rest assured by the time I departed the palace the following morning I was extended an open invitation to return whenever I should choose to. What's that?  Oh, back to the point you say.  Most appropriate actually.

Now my little cogs, what I have here for your viewing pleasure is obstensibly an instrument of writing and thusly name The Metapen, but hidden away amongst the many pumps and valves are knife, fork and spoon, a lighter, usb stick, watch, lamp, screwdriver, pipe, toothbrush, shaving blade, nail clipper, and two extra mines.  It seems impossible yes, but it is true!  This nearly miraculous marvel of engineering is constructed of brass and copper, steel, wood, and leather.  Why the only thing it's missing is a fine piece of scrimshawed bone laid upon the handle.

One might think such a tool with all it's many uses must surely be a monstrosity of welds and cumbersome to such delicate aristocratic hands as the good Captain's, but I assure you not only is it most pleasing to the eyes so finely designed is it, it can also be quickly drawn to intimidate would be card sharks at the baccarat table, hooligans in the dark alleys of London's seedier sections, or any less mechanically minded individuals as it's form is that of a small derringer style firearm!  Another selling point if anyone asks me, and of course they always do.  Feast your eyes but do not touch, I still haven't located those two extra mines...

That is all I have for you this week precious little cog-wheels, now get back to the gears before I unleash my pen upon you.  After all, the pen is mightier than the sword, and in this case, the Metapen is most probably mightier than even the gun!

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