Thursday, April 16, 2009

How exactly would you consumate such a steampunk marriage?

By jove, what a day it's been! I found myself engineer, hero, husband, and a possible polygamist all before breakfast!

It all started this morning, a bit later than normal. My trusty crew was toiling away on the Anomaly Obscura Engine like lovely little worker bees when I arose to some awful clatter. At first I feared the worst and thought such devilish sounds were from my beloved contraption, but all was well in my workshop. The noise is seemed came from some as yet unknown source outside.

Grabbing my goggles I went to investigate and what a wonder awaited me just outside my door. A beautiful steam powered goliath had apparently suffered catastrophic mechanical dissonance, it refused to run! Well, I thought, time get grease on my hands, as I approached the crew scratching their heads at their dilemma. The tale goes on from here ~

Morning, chaps! I chimed and asked just what could be the matter. The clockworks jammed, the gears are glued, and the tension bar is slack! The piston's pooped and cogs are clogged, it seems her spine has snapped!

Come now gents, it can't be done. A wonder like this must carry on! I grabbed my tools and tightened my goggles, crawling beneath the beast. Sure enough a mess was there, but I was sure it could be greased.

Through all the mess I looked and stressed until I saw the cause. Twas a snapped ring, so small a thing, that gave the beast her pause. From my finger I took a simple ring, the symbol of my marriage. I'd pay for this in flesh and blood, and just to fix a carriage! But I slipped it in, and she did sing, the beast would live once more!

The engine cranked, and I was thanked. Their saving benefactor! As away it turned a question burned, was I now married to that tractor?!?

A picture of the blushing bride:

Hornsby Steam Crawler - historical steampunk tractorThis beautiful steampunk contraption is actually a Hornsby Steam Crawler, and a most impressive thing it is! Not as attractive as my first wife, but certainly it's stronger!

I'd like to end this tale with a stiff drink and a toast, so raise your glass with me if you'd be so kind.

Here's to all the women I've loved, and all the ones I've kissed.
As for regrets, I have but one; that's all the ones I've missed.
Oh, women’s' faults are many, us men have only two:
Every single thing we say, and everything we do.

(Toast courtesy of Sean Patrick O-Byrne from the incomparable Steampunk Forums)

2 comments:

Scribblar said...

Congratulations on your marriage. Not sure where you would find a veil big enough, though.

Renquist Von Reik said...

Haha! I assure you, my good man, the veil is the least of my concerns!

Look at those treads!

On the plus side, do you see how stacked she is?